Say goodbye to purchasing. Meet the cheerleaders of Crisis Control!
“Crisis Control, how can I help you?” was the perky response I overheard one morning, as the most experienced, but also incurably phlegmatic, member of my team chimed into the first phone call of the day.
Clearly the caller was from marketing (and thus a VIP) with an urgent demand to get something bought quickly.
This was probably why I did a double take the other day when I overheard a colleague answer the phone as “Buying”. I was struck by the accuracy of the salutation (it’s what we do) but also its Spartan functionality. I think I preferred the ironic “crisis control” as also both honest and amusing.
I began to reflect on the various names that I’ve been called over the years. A bit like the lunches I’ve never had, they are probably both wide and varied. But not as expensive. It also occurred to me that as we seem to confuse the enemy with what we call ourselves, perhaps the time has come to keep to a single name.
Consider this: In the UK, most “purchasing” teams are called purchasing. Except those that have delusions of grandeur and call themselves purchasing and supply chain management. Or even worse, just supply chain, as though the grubby commercial bit hardly deserves a mention.
In the US, “purchasing” doesn’t translate – it’s the nitty gritty transactional end of the function called procurement. If you don’t believe me, why does the US have an Office of Federal Procurement Policy? Presumably not to dictate the colour of triplicate forms but boldly to lead government expenditure policy to new frontiers of diversity and inclusion.
So, US companies have procurement teams. After all, nothing is anything in the US if it’s not a team. Or actually a Team. Probably with a coach, sorry I mean Coach, and a uniform, mascot, cheerleading troupe and all that jazz. “Go Procurement!” doesn’t quite have the ring it probably should, but again, think of what you’ve been encouraged to say in your time as a loyal corporate citizen and be sad. Very sad.
Now sales and marketing have it sorted. Pick up the phone to their hallowed ivory towers and guess what? They answer “sales!” (or “marketing!”) with that wonderfully infuriating and ubiquitous lilt. It’s almost as though they’ve all swallowed a hockey stick, curly end first, so their enunciation always goes up at the end of a sentence! Gosh! They must run out of exclamation marks jolly fast!
We wrestle with what to call ourselves. Purchasing. Supply chain. Purchasing and supply chain (management is optional). Procurement (although, oddly, not procurement and supply chain, management or no management). Buying. Logistics. Distribution (remember that?). Perhaps it’s time for us to pick one name and stick to it. So, what name is the one that really catches our raison d’être? That epitomises our joie de vivre? That represents our true meaning to the business in the proud way that HR, legal, accounts, finance or R&D manages to signal?
Well, I hate to admit it but perhaps the early morning perky salutation was right. From hereon, we’ll all be known as Crisis Control – How Can I Help You? It beats a whole bunch of other names I’ve been called after all.
Jim Frankley (not his real name) leads a purchasing function in a Fortune Global 500 company. He can be contacted at frankleyspeaking@cpoagenda.com
